Okay, I thought I was just sort of being crazy when I recently wrote that you should gather up all your Charlie Sheen stuff and list it on eBay.
Crazy like a shark.
A book of poems Sheen self-published some 20 years ago entitled—and I’m not making this up—“A Peace of My Mind,” is doing quite well on eBay. When I checked it, seven bids had pushed the slim volume up to nearly $600. An autographed copy of the same poetry book with a starting bid of $2,000 didn’t have any takers so far.
I offer my own Charlie Sheen poem:
Roses are red
Charlie’s gone mad
before all of this
just his acting was bad.
When I did a search for “Charlie Sheen” I got more than 12,000 items found on eBay. While it’s true that the United States has lost a great deal of its manufacturing to Third World nations where the average yearly wage is $12.42, there is one segment of manufacturing where we still dominate:
T- shirts designed to cash in on celebrity burnouts.
There are currently about 8,000 Charlie Sheen t-shirts on eBay.
And they say Americans don’t show initiative any more.
By the way, I’d love to hear your Charlie Sheen poetry, especially haiku.
I suppose if you have any Charlie Sheen items, now would be a good time to put them up for auction on eBay, although some people might consider it wiser to wait until he’s dead.
Sometimes celebrity memorabilia increases after an untimely demise.
I reviewed my collection of DVDs and I don’t have any Charlie Sheen merchandise. Drat!
Frankly I wouldn’t wait until he chokes on his own vomit. I would list Charlie Sheen items for sale on either eBay or Half.com right now. First of all, the improbable might happen and he could survive this flameout. If he does, it will rank right up there with the time Chuck Yeager lost control of the X-1A and plummeted 51,000 feet in 51 seconds before he was able to somehow right the aircraft and land safely.
And if the what-looks-to-be-inevitable does happen and Sheen moves on to star in that great sitcom in the clouds alongside John Belushi and Anna Nicole Smith I don’t think our interest in him will last long.
In other words, it’s highly unlikely that Charlie Sheen will ever be a hotter property than he is today. All the agents, lawyers and entrepreneurs (aka porn stars and strippers) that are currently hovering around him like vultures over roadkill are indicators of this truth.
So gather up your autographed copies of “Major League,” copyright your recipe for “Tiger Blood” and offer them up for sale on eBay before it’s too late.
I have just two words for people who think they can wait until tomorrow to cash in on this narrow window of financial opportunity: Beanie Babies.